It feels a bit odd to say, but I feel more secure now that we are in this phase of the process. Its not that I trust that once the little embies are with (um, in?) us that we have more control over the outcome, but it feels less stressful not to be waiting on test results and daily phone calls. This part of the process we know - at this point, we are "good" at the waiting game.
I have come to think of this part of the experience similar to the one that W and I went through several years ago when we were trying to help S, a young woman who had been in W's class as an elementary schooler and was now in foster care, make it to college. At her HS graduation, we both felt so victorious - we.made.it. But, what we hadnt realized was that each year of college was going to be a similar, or possibly larger struggle, and at that point we had even less control since she was out of the house. Much like the TTC process, there are plateaus that feel so monumental when you reach them, but then you realize you still have a lot more to climb. Relish the victories but be prepared for the next challenge.
Ive been thinking a lot about S and other "kids" in the 18-24 year old range this past week with the recent events in Boston. S is a few years older than the younger of the brothers; but they had friends in common. W went to their high school and remains very connected to that community. I can find two degrees of connection along many avenues of our life. There have been so many hard HARD questions from the community, students and teachers who knew him -- how could this have happened? How could so much have changed in the less than two years since he had graduated? How could we have failed him? The general media seems so quick to blame, so quick to find answers that fit neatly in a sound-bite, but what actually happened must have been so much more complicated. And this week, I find myself filled with sadness, sadness for the victims (one of whom lived in our neighborhood), sadness at the loss of the simple innocence of an open-air marathon event that will, in future years, almost surely be heavily patrolled, sadness for a very confused high school community, and also sadness for this young man, just 19, and the emotional state he must have been in.
Others have written about it more eloquently than I ever could; and its important to remember that I an not alone in this confusion/sadness/loss; even if its not the national narrative. It has been a hard week; but like all of the other plateaus, we need to dust ourselves off, enjoy the view for a few minutes and then head back to the climb.
** Correction! In my last post, I originally reported Pigpen as a 6-celler, when in fact, he was an 8-celler -- still Grade C, but at least with a bit more heft :)
I have come to think of this part of the experience similar to the one that W and I went through several years ago when we were trying to help S, a young woman who had been in W's class as an elementary schooler and was now in foster care, make it to college. At her HS graduation, we both felt so victorious - we.made.it. But, what we hadnt realized was that each year of college was going to be a similar, or possibly larger struggle, and at that point we had even less control since she was out of the house. Much like the TTC process, there are plateaus that feel so monumental when you reach them, but then you realize you still have a lot more to climb. Relish the victories but be prepared for the next challenge.
Ive been thinking a lot about S and other "kids" in the 18-24 year old range this past week with the recent events in Boston. S is a few years older than the younger of the brothers; but they had friends in common. W went to their high school and remains very connected to that community. I can find two degrees of connection along many avenues of our life. There have been so many hard HARD questions from the community, students and teachers who knew him -- how could this have happened? How could so much have changed in the less than two years since he had graduated? How could we have failed him? The general media seems so quick to blame, so quick to find answers that fit neatly in a sound-bite, but what actually happened must have been so much more complicated. And this week, I find myself filled with sadness, sadness for the victims (one of whom lived in our neighborhood), sadness at the loss of the simple innocence of an open-air marathon event that will, in future years, almost surely be heavily patrolled, sadness for a very confused high school community, and also sadness for this young man, just 19, and the emotional state he must have been in.
Others have written about it more eloquently than I ever could; and its important to remember that I an not alone in this confusion/sadness/loss; even if its not the national narrative. It has been a hard week; but like all of the other plateaus, we need to dust ourselves off, enjoy the view for a few minutes and then head back to the climb.
** Correction! In my last post, I originally reported Pigpen as a 6-celler, when in fact, he was an 8-celler -- still Grade C, but at least with a bit more heft :)
Yes, it's really hard to make sense of it all.
ReplyDeleteAnd congrats on making it to this point! You've done all that you can and now comes the waiting (which, as you mention, you've had plenty of practice with!). Hoping the time passes quickly and fingers crossed for good news!
I've been waiting to hear the more complicated stories of what happened in Boston as well. I don't trust the sound-byte simplifications, and I want to understand. I want to understand how someone comes to this, how it happens.
ReplyDeleteI don't know a whole lot about IVF cycles, but I do know two-week waits. Here's hoping yours is fruitful!
I love that you are calling them Pigpen and Fierce, by the way. Waiting right along with you, in suspense. Here's to strong little embies that stick around!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your thoughts on Boston, too. It's been so much on our minds and hearts. I, too, want to understand - the black-and-white media narrative is hard to take.