No one said this process was for the faint of heart -- or wallet.
After some *hard* conversation and tears -- as well as reading and rereading your comments (THANK YOU!), we have decided to go with Option 1. Its financially irresponsible but in the grand scheme of things, its less expensive then say, years of therapy for W, since its clear that she is NOT ready to hand over the reins. As a wise blogger friend commented, doing cycles this summer where one of us was half hoping it didnt work, well....thats not a viable approach to this already stressful, relationship-trying process. SO we are forking over the funds, ur, my parents generously loaned funds, and going forward with IVF #2 for W. If it looks like the cycle might not produce good quality eggs, we may cancel the actual transfer, but...I guess we will cross that bridge if we come to it.
I feel like I can admit here (W almost never checks this blog) that I am more than a teeny-tiney-bit sad not be jumping in. I totally understand why the decision we made is the right one and I do want W to have the experience of carrying our baby, but I had begun to psych myself up for the process -- so much so I met with the local hippy-dippy IUI doc who, as it turns out, shares a birthday with Iz and his nurse shares my mothers first and middle name (both common, but still comforting). My meeting with them felt "right" and I had began daydreaming about IUIs, acupuncture and being pregnant again.
Who knows, I may be back in their office at some point, for now, we are throwing ourselves at IVF redux so...giddy up... Lets make this one count, as they say!
After some *hard* conversation and tears -- as well as reading and rereading your comments (THANK YOU!), we have decided to go with Option 1. Its financially irresponsible but in the grand scheme of things, its less expensive then say, years of therapy for W, since its clear that she is NOT ready to hand over the reins. As a wise blogger friend commented, doing cycles this summer where one of us was half hoping it didnt work, well....thats not a viable approach to this already stressful, relationship-trying process. SO we are forking over the funds, ur, my parents generously loaned funds, and going forward with IVF #2 for W. If it looks like the cycle might not produce good quality eggs, we may cancel the actual transfer, but...I guess we will cross that bridge if we come to it.
I feel like I can admit here (W almost never checks this blog) that I am more than a teeny-tiney-bit sad not be jumping in. I totally understand why the decision we made is the right one and I do want W to have the experience of carrying our baby, but I had begun to psych myself up for the process -- so much so I met with the local hippy-dippy IUI doc who, as it turns out, shares a birthday with Iz and his nurse shares my mothers first and middle name (both common, but still comforting). My meeting with them felt "right" and I had began daydreaming about IUIs, acupuncture and being pregnant again.
Who knows, I may be back in their office at some point, for now, we are throwing ourselves at IVF redux so...giddy up... Lets make this one count, as they say!
I think this is a good plan. And like you say, you may be back at the office at some point... Wishing you all the best this cycle and damn the insurance snafu (but yay for parental loans)!
ReplyDeleteYay for parental loans. Good Luck with this cycle. :)
ReplyDeleteSounds like a great plan. My wife and I went right to IVF. We also did reciprocal IVF so I am pregnant with her baby. We got lucky and got pregnant on the first try!! We don't have any frozen embryos so for baby #2 we will have to start from scratch but it's totally worth it! We probably would have spent much more for IUI or ICI and not had the success we did. So excited for you girls! Let me know if you have any questions.
ReplyDeleteGood plan! I hadn't gotten to comment on your earlier post yet, but I was going to say definitely go with option 1. We've found ourselves spending more money than I ever thought possible trying for #2, but as Col points out, if we get a baby out of it we won't even remember that part. And it totally makes sense you'd be a little sad about not getting to try again now. You're allowed to want W to experience pregnancy AND want to experience it again yourself.
ReplyDeleteGood luck! We did 2 IUI's, but because of my advanced maternal age (I was 36, and not getting any younger!) we moved immediately to IVF. Sometimes you just have to follow your heart and not worry about being rational
ReplyDelete3 IVF's later, we have beautiful twin 8-month old boys!
Look forward to following your story.
Heather
I'm glad you made a decision that both of you are happy with and what lucky girls to have such awesome parents! I'm crossing every body part I can that this is the one for your family!!!!
ReplyDeleteWoohoo! Exciting! I'm glad you were able to make it feasible to do what you really wanted to do.
ReplyDeleteIt makes sense, though, that it would be hard for you to switch back to this plan after starting to get excited about trying yourself. For what it's worth, I was excited about trying pregnancy again but haven't been enjoying it much so far.
Fingers crossed for you guys!
I think you made the right decision. I've been in your shoes, my friend. Oh, I have been there. And the difference is that we want three kids, so Rose will try again, but hot damn, even though she was the one who ultimately made the decision to switch back to my body, and even though she is thrilled for our little girl, I have had to PAY for the fact that I am the one who "gets" to be pregnant (again). She did not feel very bad for me when I wasn't feeling well during first tri. I promise you she will not voluntarily take one photo of me during this pregnancy. I understand her sadness, but it has not been easy for either of us. That said, the longer the pregnancy goes on (I am 18 weeks now), the closer we get to having an actual baby, the easier it gets. If W isn't ready to give up, she should definitely give it her all. As Rose said, "I don't want to look back twenty years from now and think I didn't do everything I could to have a biological child." If her eggs turn out to be poor quality for IVF #2 (esp paid out of pocket, yikes!), you'll know you've done all you can. I hope this one is the one for you. xo
ReplyDeleteI can't believe I haven't commented yet, but absolutely, it sounds like you made the right decision. It's so tough. And you can't blame yourself for wanting both things - her pregnancy, and your own chance to do it again. We certainly deal with that around here, as Uno loved to be pregnant and would love to experience it all for a second time, even as she wants me to have "my turn." (That language around turn-taking is problematic, isn't it??) I'm hoping for the best for this cycle. Ultimately, however that second baby comes to you, it'll be the just-right baby. I comfort myself with that often, trite as it may seem. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteI tried to comment earlier, but had blogger issues. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteI think it sounds like you guys made the right decision for your situation. And I don't think it's strange at all that you would be a bit sad about setting aside trying to get pregnant yourself again. This may be sort of weird comparison, but before I started taking the drugs, PB and I had a few discussions about the increased odds of twins. We both felt like that was something we needed to be okay with, if we were going to take that step. So we got ourselves psyched up about it, to the point that we were a little sad to have to give up that notion when we found out I was carrying a singleton. (Although in all honesty, it's probably for the best that Teeny is hanging out in there solo. For one thing, I worry enough about a singleton pregnancy, I'm sure I'd only be worse with a multiple one. Also, I think we'd have to move. Anyway.)
Oh, and thanks for the compliment! :-)