So remember how smoothly this next cycle was going? W hasn't even started the stims and it may already be over. INSURANCE. We naively thought we might have enough of W's piddly, student insurance to cover at least a portion of another round. Now its looking like it wont even cover most of the first round. UGGG
And we are left with several options.
1) Go forth with the IVF as planned - AKA - Pay out of pocket - This is the most financially irresponsible option, but after talking to my parents this weekend "Hey mom, happy mother's day, wanna fork over a small fortune so that we can get preggo again" - they are willing to help us out and we could do it.
2) Jump ship - AKA - Move to my body -- I have crappy insurance but at least the basics are covered and we could try a low intervention cycle in May/June and then do fresh/live insems this summer (pending 'ok' from KD).
3) Hybrid Approach - AKA Do it now & then -- W gets new insurance starting July 1 associated with her faculty position starting in the Fall. While we aren't sure what the coverage is, it will likely be more/better than the current plan, and regardless, the annual funding allocation starts over. Under this scenario, we would try to do a low intervention cycle for me in May/June, live insems over the summer and then start back with W in September when we are back in town.
An additional wild card, of course, is our sperm availability. We have 3 vials left -- KD can donate more but it will be in quarantine for 6 months before it could be used for IVF again! Last IVF cycle they needed two vials so that leaves 1 for me this summer and then one more shot of IVF in the Fall.
Our hearts say #1, our gut and rational mind say #3. But there are SO MANY 'what ifs'...and all the emotions, that we put on-hold temporarily, re body-swapping. (sounds like a horror movie...maybe it is...). Its a big decision for W to turn the reins over to me, even if only for a few tries.
I feel like this decision deserves a poll -- so, friends, please vote for your pick!
And we are left with several options.
1) Go forth with the IVF as planned - AKA - Pay out of pocket - This is the most financially irresponsible option, but after talking to my parents this weekend "Hey mom, happy mother's day, wanna fork over a small fortune so that we can get preggo again" - they are willing to help us out and we could do it.
2) Jump ship - AKA - Move to my body -- I have crappy insurance but at least the basics are covered and we could try a low intervention cycle in May/June and then do fresh/live insems this summer (pending 'ok' from KD).
3) Hybrid Approach - AKA Do it now & then -- W gets new insurance starting July 1 associated with her faculty position starting in the Fall. While we aren't sure what the coverage is, it will likely be more/better than the current plan, and regardless, the annual funding allocation starts over. Under this scenario, we would try to do a low intervention cycle for me in May/June, live insems over the summer and then start back with W in September when we are back in town.
An additional wild card, of course, is our sperm availability. We have 3 vials left -- KD can donate more but it will be in quarantine for 6 months before it could be used for IVF again! Last IVF cycle they needed two vials so that leaves 1 for me this summer and then one more shot of IVF in the Fall.
Our hearts say #1, our gut and rational mind say #3. But there are SO MANY 'what ifs'...and all the emotions, that we put on-hold temporarily, re body-swapping. (sounds like a horror movie...maybe it is...). Its a big decision for W to turn the reins over to me, even if only for a few tries.
I feel like this decision deserves a poll -- so, friends, please vote for your pick!
3 sounds like a sound decision.
ReplyDeleteGood luck in whatever you decide!
Oh man, didn't see that one coming! I agree, 3 sounds pretty rational but I can see the emotional implications as well.
ReplyDeleteI'd hedge my bets and ask KD for another round of donations, starting now, to be released in November. Then #3, but only if you are BOTH really ok if you end up being the one pregnant--if W really wants to be the one to carry, I'd wait it out.
ReplyDeleteyikes! what a dilemma! I like #3 as well because it's two chances wrapped in one ;)
ReplyDeleteARRRRRGH! I had this whole epic-length comment written, and blogger ate it! Curse you, blogger! Now I have to re-write it!
ReplyDeleteAhem. My vote really depends on how W (and you, of course, but I feel like I have a better idea of how you feel about it, just by nature of the blog) feels about handing over the reigns. You guys a thinking two kids total, right? So if you carry the second child, that means W giving up the chance to give birth at all. I can only speak for myself here, but that was something that was fairly important to me. Not that I would feel incomplete as a person without it, but it's definitely something on my bucket list, I guess you could say. Especially after the miscarriage, it's important to me to have a successful pregnancy, one with a different out come. You know? I also think (and again, this is totally just speaking for myself), that I would find it easier to make a clean break with the idea of carrying, than to be planning to swap back and forth.
My concerns about Option 3 are two-fold. One, would you be trying all summer at least half-hoping that it wouldn't work? Would W? (See above.) Because that doesn't sound like the most fun ever, at least to me. Two, the unknown quality of W's future insurance. Mine, for example, is pretty decent overall, but has zero fertility coverage. (My RE was able to get some stuff covered under "irregular menses", because I did have a little of that, but something like that won't exactly fly with IVF.) So you could find yourself in exactly the same position, insurance-wise.
I think, depending on everyone's feelings on the matter, I would vote for Options 1 or 2. Or, if you want to find out what her new insurance will offer, but she's not okay with giving up the chance to be pregnant, I would say wait. Which sucks, I know. Out of curiosity, could you not do live/fresh cycles this summer with W? I agree that based on her history, IVF has the best chances of her getting/staying pregnant, but fresh cycles wouldn't cost you anything, right? And that way, if you did decide to wait, it wouldn't be like you were doing *nothing* while you waited. Just a thought.
Either way, I second the recommendation of having your donor make another donation as soon as possible. If you don't need it by November, great! But if you do, it's probably better to have it available as soon as possible.
Sorry this is so long. But as PB just informed me, I tend to be thorough when I think about things.
However you decide, I wish you the best of luck! We're both really rooting for you.
It really really sucks how much of an impact money and insurance coverage have over this whole process. As if it wasn't stressful enough already! So I'm sad and mad that you guys are having to deal with this (and that you aren't just good and pregnant already!). It's totally unfair.
ReplyDeleteIn terms of the choices above, I'm not sure I have a vote for one option over the other, just some thoughts about the process. I agree with CatsandCradles above that it's important to think through how W would feel if you got pregnant during one of these "just for now" tries. For us, it was the right decision to switch back to trying with me, because Roo was sure that she was ready to be done with the whole poking and prodding process. But it has still been really hard on both of us to be going this route. In the long run, I think it will matter a lot less how our second kid came to be, and I suspect that would be true for you guys too. But in the short term, it could be a hard path, especially if W isn't sure that she's ready to be done trying.
Thinking of you guys. And hoping that sitting with it a bit will make the decision clearer.
i'm a little late coming in on this, but glad you guys have made a decision. this stuff is so HARD.
ReplyDelete