2013

My thoughts are all over the place so Ill start with a few snaps from our East-West holiday and give you some thoughts on the new year.

• Our time in NYC was awesome. Izzy totally loved the subway (trains!) and the hustle-and-bustle of New York. We live in an urban area -- a block from a T stop and our local lesbian coffee shop, but nothing beats New York. We visited the Central Park Zoo (yeah!), Children;s Museum (boo) and even rallied for carols in Washington Sq Park (a hold-over tradition from my days as a NYer). We had amazing, gluten-free chinese food on Xmas Eve - it was perfect!
• We caught an early flight on Boxing Day to CA for 60 degree weather and some beach-romping with my family. Izzy loved hanging with her (much older) cousins who doted on her -- the fact that my parents _totally_ overdid it on the presents didnt hurt either. 
• Things are starting to calm down with family slowly heading home and we start 10 days of 'alone-time' at the beach. We are thankful for grandparent/cousin childcare, but excited to have some time just to ourselves. W and I relish this time to see our west-coast friends and spend much-needed downtime together. 
• We rang in 2013 with some of our closest friends, laying on the couch, drinking wine and talking about major life decisions (mainly their decision to move and/or change jobs). I cant shake an overall feeling of being dejected by 2012; and I just wish I was more hopeful for 2013. Judging from my facebook feed, 'good-riddance to 2012' seems like a pretty common sentiment --  This past year certainly contained some of the highest highs, as I got to know Izzy and love her for who she is as a person and not just what she represents in our family; but the year was also very hard, W's dad was diagnosed with cancer and we are still not pregnant. Not disasters in comparison to what others experience, but still not what we had hoped, no actually, expected this year to look like.While six tries doesn't seem like all that many, its been 11 months since we first sat down with the RE to plan #2. Despite 1 chemical pregnancy and 1 miscarriage, we have nothing to show for our troubles -- and I am already emotionally overwhelmed. Im nervous (yet itching) to jump back on the TTC wagon. I want to "get going" but am not looking forward to the physical, emotional and financial stress that the process puts on us, particularly W and by proxy Iz and I. I realize that life isn't fair and that we have a lot to be very very very thankful for but I cant shake the frustration that we were "tricked" out of our April and then June baby.
• But I am an optimist by nature so 'chin-up, cheers to 2013' -- Even if I dont fully embrace that feeling right now, two weeks of gorgeous sunsets, warm beach-runs and beach-romping will certainly lift my spirits. Happy 2013 to all!