I had so wanted to be pregnant again by Izzy's 2nd birthday. The timing was too perfect. Our TWW ended on her birthday. But all that we got was a couple of glaringly white test strips ambiguous pee stix. The less hopeful part of me knew we should wait until after her birthday, maybe even until Monday's blood test. But we got antsy...
We tested on Thursday night (11DPO) -- and got the faintest fain you have ever seen. We felt hopeful. Then we had a series of unreadable/non-working tests yesterday morning and this morning - backed up by white-white-white ones mid-day yesterday. We are both pretty sure its a no-go, but I guess there is a possibility it was another chemical pregnancy - which somehow does and doesn't make me feel better.
I don't want to spend Izzy's birthday in a post-BFN funk, but it's so hard not to let your mind spiral into that dark, bitter, gloomy place. W is doing better than I am, for her it's not over until the blood test, but I like to 'prepare' my disappoint. So, for now, I'm laying in bed, feeling sorry for myself as my wonderful wife and newly- minted 2 year old are having breakfast and making the frosting for her celebration. 10 toddlers arrive in 3 hours.
Oyi, sometimes I wonder why we put ourselves through this!
We tested on Thursday night (11DPO) -- and got the faintest fain you have ever seen. We felt hopeful. Then we had a series of unreadable/non-working tests yesterday morning and this morning - backed up by white-white-white ones mid-day yesterday. We are both pretty sure its a no-go, but I guess there is a possibility it was another chemical pregnancy - which somehow does and doesn't make me feel better.
I don't want to spend Izzy's birthday in a post-BFN funk, but it's so hard not to let your mind spiral into that dark, bitter, gloomy place. W is doing better than I am, for her it's not over until the blood test, but I like to 'prepare' my disappoint. So, for now, I'm laying in bed, feeling sorry for myself as my wonderful wife and newly- minted 2 year old are having breakfast and making the frosting for her celebration. 10 toddlers arrive in 3 hours.
Oyi, sometimes I wonder why we put ourselves through this!
I just wanted to tell you I got a neg POAS the day of my beta and I'm 10 weeks pregnant. Good luck and enjoy you toddlers b day!
ReplyDeleteHow incredibly frustrating and confusing--as if you needed any more frustration and confusion with this process. Hoping for good news.
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday, Izzy! And good luck with the party!
Ugh. I'm so sorry. It's hard to stay positive with all this disappointment. What a horrible, mean joke to see a positive and then get blanks. Thinking about you guys.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, that sucks. We had a couple of different cycles with wonky tests (including the first one after the miscarriage) that made one or the other of us briefly think there was something there when there wasn't. Those are even worse than the just plain negatives.
ReplyDeleteI'm not saying you're totally out, by the way, and I would be happy to hear otherwise. I "prepare" for my disappointments too, so I get that. I'm not sure it's actually less painful, just more spread out that way, but I still do it. (Obviously.)
Perhaps this would be a good time to remind you of what someone wisely told me- that this is an awful process until you succeed, and then it's all worth it. You'll get there. I'm moderately hopeful that we will too.
Oh, and Happy Birthday, Izzy! I hope the party was great.