Frustration, Anger and, of course, our friend Disappointment..

Yup, we are back in the swing (ie hell) of TTC or if we arent fully there yet, its nipping at our toes. We had an otherwise awesome weekend; it was warm, we had several play dates, and we actually got to _talk_ to our best friends while Izzy and their daughter ran around the yard together (yeah for independent parallel play!), but there was an undercurrent of annoyance, anger and disappointment re our first cycle (aka 2.0 - 1).

I think this cycle's failure is MUCH harder on W then on me. She feels more pressure to "get going" -- she is worried about the fact that she is older (34, so not really old), and that we are likely moving west in the next few years and wants to maximize our time with her parents near any and all babies. I feel those pressures too, but less so (maybe because I dont find them as daunting.

But I think the real difference is the anger that Type A, over-achievers put on themselves when their body "fails". I was overwhelmed by that anger, frustration and guilt when it was my body and no matter how often she told me that it wasnt my 'fault' it wasnt until I heard myself saying the same thing to her that I realized how it can be said with heartfelt honesty but feel totally meaningless to the person hearing it.

At this point, we share the disappointment, but the anger and frustration is W's to bare alone. And thats hard. Hard for her, hard for me (as I want to feel helpful and supportive).