10DPO, TWW 1, TTC 2.0

ahhh, the joys of the TTC alphabet soup. I sent a text to W last week referencing the TTC and got ??? in response.

Clearly we approach this whole TTC process from totally opposite perspectives. When we started, I read every book and blog on the subject, I joined this amazing community and wanted to track my experiences with others in the same boat. We had decided not to tell too many people in our lives, mainly because we didnt want people to keep asking -- but for me, having a community to share my thoughts and fears with was really really helpful. W is more private. She thinks its a bit weird that I choose to share details of my (our) life with the internet to consume at large. But more than anything, she is a pessimist, so telling too many people (in our lives or on a blog) would be too hopeful.

I think my role in TTC 2.0 may be to learn to manage disappointment, hers and mine. And to be honest, thats not something I am very good at. I might be wrong, but I think when it was my body, she was very careful not to be too pessimistic/disappointed when a cycle was a bust because she didn't want it to feel like she was blaming me/my body. In some ways, that makes a BFN even harder for the non-gestating mom since you need to mask some of your sadness/anger/disappointment so that you can be supportive to the one who might blame themselves. Ive been thinking a lot this past week about whether I 'want' her to test before the blood draw (next monday), how to respond to a BFN and what my role would/should be in getting ready for the next cycle. My MO during TTC #1, was to immediately start planning for the next cycle - to look ahead and be upbeat about the potential of the next round of craziness, but I know that's not how W likes to grieve so I may need to find a way to balance my response to what we both need.

We have a date night planned for what would be CD 1 -- we figure either way it will be nice to be together, "celebrating", either with wine or non-alcoholic dessert.