Its been a while since my last post -- Ive been on a bit of a blog-cation. I was so tied up in cycle-drama -- mine and yours, that it became all I was thinking about. I was truly obsessed...so I stepped back, took a break from posting, from thinking about posts, from even commenting on your posts (I was reading them though!) and tried to distance myself from the crazy unpredictability of all of this and throw myself back into my life, my wife, my adorable, funny, quirky toddler.
And..it worked. Im no less upset about not being pregnant again but I feel more grounded...more connected to W, more in love with Izzy and more settled in all else I have going in my full full life -- at work, with friends and family. We are busy people, in part by choice - so our week nights are full and our weekends are even more so. I am part of a many local (climate) organizations and I sit on two boards, which means I regularly attend at least 6 meetings per month -- including a book club where were do more wine-drinking then book-talking, but a mom's gotta get out sometimes, right! W teaches late one night per week and is also part of a few local groups so sometimes we are only home together one night a week. I have enough going on in my life that I didnt need to be burning mental energy, or our time together, getting so terribly upset about not being pregnant -- and I think that she was somehow interpreting my frustration as blame. These few weeks off, has been really refreshing...so much so, that I might need a few more off, which may a forced-choice of sorts since we are almost 100% skipping a March cycle.
This is the first time we have EVER not tested at home before a blood test. G goes in tomorrow morning, but we are so sure, so very very sure that she is not pregnant that it didnt seem worth a waste of a pee-stick. Plus, I want to focus what energy we ARE putting to this process on working out a plan. A plan that includes IVF in the near future. Maybe not in March since we are traveling for a chunk of it, but definitely April.
And just to leave you on a positive note, here are some of the things we have been up to! Izzy LOVED tubing, and playing in the snow...snowshoeing was a bit more work than a weekend in Vt called for :)
And..it worked. Im no less upset about not being pregnant again but I feel more grounded...more connected to W, more in love with Izzy and more settled in all else I have going in my full full life -- at work, with friends and family. We are busy people, in part by choice - so our week nights are full and our weekends are even more so. I am part of a many local (climate) organizations and I sit on two boards, which means I regularly attend at least 6 meetings per month -- including a book club where were do more wine-drinking then book-talking, but a mom's gotta get out sometimes, right! W teaches late one night per week and is also part of a few local groups so sometimes we are only home together one night a week. I have enough going on in my life that I didnt need to be burning mental energy, or our time together, getting so terribly upset about not being pregnant -- and I think that she was somehow interpreting my frustration as blame. These few weeks off, has been really refreshing...so much so, that I might need a few more off, which may a forced-choice of sorts since we are almost 100% skipping a March cycle.
This is the first time we have EVER not tested at home before a blood test. G goes in tomorrow morning, but we are so sure, so very very sure that she is not pregnant that it didnt seem worth a waste of a pee-stick. Plus, I want to focus what energy we ARE putting to this process on working out a plan. A plan that includes IVF in the near future. Maybe not in March since we are traveling for a chunk of it, but definitely April.
And just to leave you on a positive note, here are some of the things we have been up to! Izzy LOVED tubing, and playing in the snow...snowshoeing was a bit more work than a weekend in Vt called for :)
Aww! Cute pictures! And I'm way impressed at your calm in the midst of this crazy TTC process.
ReplyDeletelove her!
ReplyDeleteHey there! My wife and I just joined this crazy process and no one warned me how easy it was to get swept away in everyone's lives/blogs/tww...it can be maddening! This post was refreshing and I look forward to following you (but not too closely ha!)
ReplyDelete