I have been in a bit of a weird place lately with this whole ttcing - Over the past few weeks, I have either completely ignored the fact that we are in the TTW and gone about my generally happy, summer-y life but when I think about it, I get kinda antsy, depressed and grumpy. I realize we are at the 9 month mark..yes, we naively thought on Try 1 "wow we will have a baby by mid-May" Now that that mark has passed us by, we are both in a bit if TTC-funk. We felt pretty good about this cycle, effortless "perfect" timing, live insem so it was totally free -- and generally a pretty fun-filled TWW. Over the past few days my unusually high temps have begun to drop and i've had some crazy cramping so I think we are looking at CD 1 just around the corner. We are frustrated, but not as much as in cycles past, because we have the *magic* IVF on the near-horizon.
In preparation, this cycle I will be doing all of my CD 3 tests, the sonohysogram and other "fun" poking and prodding that i/we never had to go through because we have never done a doctor assisted insem. Then in late June I'll start the standard birth-control/lupron protocol, and *hopefully* have a retrieval/transfer in early Aug.
We are excited to be trying something new, and something that so many others have had success with -- but it also raises the stakes. What if it doesn't work? What if the "issue" that has stopped us from getting pregnant all of these months interferes with our IVF cycle? No one has been able to give us a clear reason WHY we haven't been successful yet, so why are we so hopefully that IVF will"solve" the problem? The price ups the ante but more importantly, what if it doesn't work, then what?
Anyways, just because I haven't been posting, doesn't mean I haven't been following you all! Happy thoughts to those who have just begun this process, the recent BFPs and the newborns!
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right there with you on the "then what?" worries. even though i know IVF will raise the chances of my getting knocked up considerably, it's hard to not freak out at the "end of the road" stuff that the big guns bring up.
ReplyDeleteon the topic of why hasn't this been working: it seems to me that even an unsuccessful IVF cycle is likely to provide some information about what isn't working (or at least at what point things aren't working), which seems more satisfying than just the "it worked/it didn't work" binary of regular insems. so an unsuccessful IVF can lead to a more focused plan than just "try the thing that didn't work again". or something.
my, there are a lot of quotation marks in this comment.
"hugs" and also hugs.
I'm gonna ditto Bionic Mama's comment about IVF. According to New RE, they can find out a lot about your fertility from looking at your eggs. She told us that there were a lot of things there's no way of knowing until the IVF procedure is performed.
ReplyDeleteBut yeah, I'm nervous, too. Scary stuff.
Well, we only did 6 months' worth of IUIs, and there were a couple of months with very low sperm counts, but there was no "reason" it hasn't worked for us either, and my eggs turned out to be totally fine. I chalked it up to the lame-o success rate of IUIs. And timing. And the fact that at my age I probably wasn't dropping a great egg every month. Once you get your testing you should have some pretty good indicators of how good your chances of an IVF cycle working, and my guess is your chances will be high. Look at all the bloggers who did 11 or 17 rounds of ICIs/IUIs before moving onto IVF who got pregnant (often with twins!) on the first IVF try! There's no reason it shouldn't be the same for you. But I know...it's scary. Especially when you've been trying so hard and waiting so long already.
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