Donor Daddy...

Ive loved reading everyone's responses to the blog circus - and since this one is particularly relevant, I thought I would share. We are one of the few that went with a known-donor and while it is certainly a lot to navigate and has had its rough moments over the past two years, in the end, I am so happy that we chose the route we did. And this is a particularly appropriate time to talk about it all, as he arrived last night for a week-long visit/babysitting while our nanny is in Nepal for two weeks....
I dont really remember when or how we decided on a known donor and our KD in particular. Living in the Bay Area it’s pretty common and most of our older lesbian friends have KDs, so when we started talking about TTC, we didnt spend too much timing thinking about which route we would go and who we would ask, but instead began plotting out *how* we would reach out. It was only after he had agreed, that we really started to understand and “process” what it would mean for us, him, our TTC and eventually the child(ren). Commence months of discussions between W and I about our relationship as two moms, weekly discussions with KD, a donor agreement, and now...well, we have another adult in Izzy's life who loves her and considers her part of his wider "family"...
To be clear, our KD is just that - he is NOT a co-parent, or really even a donor daddy. Both W and I have very close friends who Izzy will know of as Aunt X or Uncle Y -- and KD will be one more of these amazing adults who she will have in her life who loves, supports and guides her. He is one of our closest friends (and obviously we have all become even closer during this process) and he would have been in her life in a very meaningful way even if there was no biological connection. We live on opposite sides of the country, at least for the time being, so that definitely helps clarify his role as a “fun” uncle but not a day-to-day parent. KD is a gay man, who may some day, but at the moment doesn’t have any kids of his own. He has four nephews and really likes kids but his life (in its current form) definitely could not accommodate a child. I think there are times when he wishes that he were closer, or were able to have a more active role in her/our lives, but I also think that he doesn’t understand exactly what that would entail. Kids are a 24/7 job, yo! Navigating our triangle of a relationship (between W, KD and I) has had its sticky points, but most of them were in the theoretical, when we talked about “what would happen” while we were TTC and pregnant. There have definitely been times when we wished we had listened to our friends who told us we were *crazy* to complicate this whole process even more by bringing a third adult into the mix-- but as she gets older, and the has more of a relationship with KD, we are figuring out what our "family" is…..

Birthday Party last weekend....


Im getting 3 new teeth -- ouch!